The Defining Decade - Meg Jay

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay is exactly the type of popular self-help book I typically try to avoid. Nevertheless, I gave it a shot since I was at a crossroads in my personal life and in my twenties after all.

The book is structured into ‘work’, ’love’ and ’the brain and the body’. The work chapter contains no revolutionary information, but it was a nice reminder that most 20-somethings struggle with their early careers. The author talks the importance of weak connections when searching for a job (or any opportunity). She introduces the concept of identity capital - think relevant past work experiences, soft skills and connections - and argues that young people cannot build their identity capital while being underemployed (e.g. doing the dishes at McDonals). I agree and think it’s very important to be aware of this concept.

It felt like the love chapter was the main focus of Jay. One of my main take-aways was that young couples, and especially young women, should be aware of the fertitliy decline in the thirties and begin thinking early about family planning in a serious way - because if this discussion gets postponed too long it can easily be too late. Also Jay laid down the ‘cohabitation-effect’: the effect that couples which moved in together before marriage had higher break-up-rates than couples who did not. She explained this curious effect with the lack of intention which often comes with this casual moving-in-together. And once moved in together, the resistance of breaking up becomes so high that marrying each other is often the easiest path. Only months or years later one realizes that such a marriage never had happened in other cicumstances. I will definitely be aware of this effect in my personal life.

All in all this book was a good reality check for me in my mid-twenties. Luckily for me, it was less a slap in the face but a friendly reminder of the things that matter. For the target group, this book is an easy recommendation. Especially if one has not looked into any kind of self-improvement / self-help literature before. The advice is solid and the enternainment value is also there.

Rating: 4.0 Recommendability: 6.0